Finding Purpose in the Darkness: My Journey Founding Murror.
“Self-knowledge involves relationship. To know oneself is to study one self in action with another person. Relationship is a process of self evaluation and self revelation. Relationship is the mirror in which you discover yourself - to be is to be related.” — Bruce Lee
Life has a way of presenting us with challenges that shape our path. For me, the struggle began early on. As a happy child, my world turned upside down when my parents divorced when I was in third grade. The absence of my father and my mother’s struggle to make ends meet left my brothers and me in a state of constant uncertainty. This period of my life was marked by exposure to toxic environments, frequent relocations, and a profound sense of loneliness and abandonment. However, this tumultuous journey led me to discover my true purpose and motivated me to establish my mental health company, Murror.
Despite the absence of my father from our lives, his influence loomed large. My dad was a musician and part of one of the first rock bands in Vietnam, and his unconventional lifestyle captivated my imagination. He shared his passion for music and spirituality with me. I idolized him. However, his sporadic presence during our infrequent encounters left me yearning for more. These feelings of waiting and hungering for his attention shaped my early experiences of abandonment.
Growing up, our financial struggles forced us to move frequently and landed us in some of the most complicated neighborhoods. I vividly remember one instance where we shared a small room with four other families, with a single restroom to accommodate everyone. This environment exposed us to violence and danger. Witnessing the landlord’s abusive behavior towards his son was particularly distressing and intensified my fears. Fear became a constant companion and my childhood was filled with unsettling moments that no child should have to endure.
As my brothers and I grew older, our mother remarried and moved out, leaving us to fend for ourselves. We became independent at a young age, with minimal supervision or emotional support. This isolation fueled my deep-seated loneliness and a pervasive sense of abandonment. I sought solace in computers and design, diving into my interests and finding meaning in these pursuits. With no friends or family to lean on, I spent countless nights alone, lost in music and tinkering with my computer. These coping mechanisms shielded me from the overwhelming sadness that threatened to consume me.
At the age of 19, fresh out of high school, I landed my first job as a graphic designer. The meager income I earned became my lifeline, allowing me to buy books that kept my spirit alive. Work became my obsession, my way of escaping the loneliness and depression that plagued me. With each passing year, I gained experience and steadily increased my income, which provided some semblance of stability. The act of doing became my coping mechanism, a shield against the pain of feeling useless and abandoned.
In search of greater opportunities and a place where I could truly belong, I made the brave decision to move to the United States. Leaving behind everything I had known, I embarked on a journey to create a new life for myself. This significant step was driven by my desire to find a sense of purpose and fulfillment that had eluded me for so long. After years of hard work and perseverance, I found myself in a position where I could make a significant impact through my design work. While working at influential tech companies like Google and Meta, I had the opportunity to contribute to projects that reached millions, even billions of people worldwide. On the surface, it seemed like a dream come true, and yet, deep down I still felt a persistent dissatisfaction. As I delved deeper into my work, I realized that it had become more than just a means to earn a living. It had become a coping mechanism, a way to escape the gnawing emptiness I felt when I stepped away from my professional responsibilities. While my career provided temporary distractions and a sense of achievement, it couldn’t fill the void within me. It became clear that I needed to confront my issues head-on and make a change in my life. Work, though essential, could no longer be the sole focus of my existence. I came to understand that true fulfillment lies in addressing the deeper aspects of my being and finding a meaningful purpose. I yearned for a sense of purpose that extended beyond the confines of my professional life. It was time to face my inner struggles, delve into the depths of my emotions, and embark on a journey of self-transformation. With this newfound clarity, I began to shift my perspective and prioritize personal growth and well-being. I recognized the need to cultivate a sense of meaning in every aspect of my life, not just within the confines of my career. It was no longer enough to find satisfaction solely in the external validation of my work. I wanted to experience a deep sense of fulfillment within myself.
By acknowledging the emptiness I felt outside of work, I set out on a path to discover my true purpose. The emergence of the COVID-19 pandemic brought the world to a standstill and forced me to confront my internal struggles. I stopped working for the first time in my life and the weight of my depression bore down on me with newfound intensity. Moreover, the medications I took to manage my mental health had severe side effects that impaired my ability to function and work. This led to my first ever medical leave and served as a turning point in my journey.
My lifelong battle with depression inspired me to establish Murror. I wanted to give meaning to my experiences and ensure that others could learn from them so that no one would have to endure similar hardships in the future. As a father of two sons, I recognized the importance of being present for them, but my depression hindered my ability to fully engage. It became a constant struggle to match their innocent energy while feeling emotionally drained. The self-loathing intensified and I yearned for change.
All the pain and hardship I’ve endured have fueled me to contribute to the field of mental health. Through Murror, I aim to educate people about the significance of mental well-being, particularly in the roles of fatherhood, friendship, brotherhood, and sonship. I understand firsthand the challenges of fulfilling these roles while battling depression, and I am committed to creating a world where individuals can find the support and understanding they need.
My journey from a fractured childhood to founding Murror has been one of resilience, self-discovery, and finding purpose in pain. The adversity I faced has shaped my perspective and given me the impetus to make a positive impact on the lives of others. I hope to inspire empathy, understanding, and change by sharing my story and working towards destigmatizing mental health. Together, let us build a world where no one feels alone or abandoned, and where the importance of mental well-being is acknowledged and nurtured.
In the pursuit of success and validation, it is easy to lose sight of our true selves and what truly brings us happiness and fulfillment. While work can provide a temporary escape and a sense of achievement, true meaning lies in facing our inner struggles and seeking a purpose that extends beyond our professional endeavors. By acknowledging the need for personal growth and transformation, we can embark on a journey that allows us to live a life of meaning, purpose, and fulfillment.
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